Earlier today I asked my better-half to contribute a little bit about the birth story of our babies for the upcoming blog post I am working on. The words my husband put together for this blog left me with such a heavy heart. As if I could possibly love him more. His words shouldn’t be drowned in the sea of a long blog post I’ve prepared, so here they are. I feel every expecting parent considering a birth photographer NEEDS to read this.
When we found out we were having twins we had to prepare for many things. The subject of pictures didn’t come up right away, but as time passed and we would see them grow in the ultrasounds, the more obvious it became that Abby was going to want pictures. Now most of you don’t know me very well, but I like to pay full attention to what is I am doing or experiencing. For example, I was the first one to figure out our babies were boys because of how intensely I would look at the ultrasound. I loved seeing them squirm on that little screen, it made my day. As time passed and the day came closer, the doctors informed us that because it was a high-risk pregnancy the only person allowed in the delivery room was going to be me. At this point Abby had been looking for birth photographers for a while, I could almost see her heart break when they told her that. The thought of her capturing so many beautiful moments for strangers and now that it was her moment she wouldn’t have anyone to do that for her. She was going to miss out on memories and emotions she wouldn’t have been able to have otherwise. If you reading this are an expecting parent I can tell you one thing, if you’re going to be a father you will never feel what your wife is feeling while she is going through this beautiful, painful, miracle of a moment. If you’re an expecting mother you will never know what its like to be the father standing by your side worried, happy, excited, scared, and freaked out at times. Perspective is something that varies a lot depending on where and how you’re experiencing the moment. Showing a mom pictures of the first time she’s holding her baby or even the process that happens so that little piece of heaven enters the world I feel is the best gift you could ever give someone. In our case a birth photographer was not an option, as we sat down to talk about it, I didn’t see it as such a big deal at first. So what if we couldn’t have pictures, we are there to experience the moment. Honestly, up to when she started getting ready to deliver I did not come to terms with what I would have to do. Seeing her push in the room before we went into the actual delivery room, seeing how tired she was and how much it took from her. I took a good look at Abby and I said to myself that I had to preserve the best memories I could, because I was so sure she was so busy focused on trying to bring our boys into the world that she wasn’t focused on the fact she wasn’t going to have the pictures she wanted and I couldn’t let that happen. I grabbed her camera and I was determined to be her photographer. I could never compare myself to someone who does this for real but I tried my best and what I can tell you is that I missed out on many experiences and emotions trying to capture perfect moments. I became so focused trying to get pictures that most of the time I was looking at everything through the lens. I would never sit here and tell you that I feel bad about not being able to experience Matthew and William being born 100%. Because even if it was in just in a few pictures, I captured my memories. I captured my beautiful wife holding Matthew for the first time and not even noticing how weird his head looked. I noticed her cry of relief as he finally came out and they held him up. The experiences I missed as a father being in that room I was able to gift them to my wife through the pictures I took for her and I don’t regret that one bit. That being said, I would get a photographer in a heartbeat because (and many of you might not know this) when Matthew was born, he looked like a little alien. His head was shaped weird because of all the pushing. (Abnormally weird that even the neonatal nurse was concerned.) When I saw him I got so worried I rushed over to where he was and started asking questions just to make sure he was ok. Since I was the active photographer I had to go back to capture William being born and although I was concerned with Matthew, I had to turn around and continue to shoot and keep asking questions at the same time. I couldn’t attend to Matthew the way I would have liked. Or pay attention to William they way I should have. I wasn’t able to just hold them when they were first born either because I was taking pictures. I can honestly say I feel like I missed out on a few emotions/moments that I just couldn’t enjoy. I think this is what a birth photographer does, capture those beautiful moments you want to remember so you can fully enjoy them as they are happening.
As I was reading this, I started to cry the moment he mentioned our squirming babies and didn’t stop till the end. Leave it up to us women to become a pile of mush. I will be posting my version of the story along with those pictures he and my cousin/assistant took of our special day real soon. Every time we talk about births and pregnancy my ovaries begin to hurt and I start getting baby fever… better go to sleep and not let this one get to me! Thank you all for reading and following our story! xoxo.
