at home with Steven

Twenty months ago, on a regular Monday, I spent my last night in bed with my husband wondering what it would be like to meet the twins. Four hours later my water broke and I was beyond shocked Will & Matt would be here five weeks early. Just like me, there are so many of you out there that are mothers to premie babies. We all know what it’s like to get that worried feeling of “was it too soon?” “is she/he going to be alright?” and let me not even get into the stress and helplessnes you feel if your baby happens to be in the NICU for any extended period. When our babies are born we want nothing more than to never be apart from them. Special circumstances like the one I experienced sometimes keep us away.. and that’s when our heart fully understands what it feels like to be anxious and weary of the well being of our baby. Because at that moment, it’s no longer in our power to make things better. Surprisingly though, these little young fellas are quite the fighters! Premies are resilient and strong. They battle to catch up a lot harder than any other baby has to and that makes them one tough cookie. Way to go little guys!

Right before I found out I was pregnant I spoke with Abnay & her then boyfriend, Joel about taking engagement photos. Unfortunately the week of the shoot was the first week of my all-day morning sickness. I was sick in bed the whole time and felt horrible. So needless to say our shoot never happened. That didn’t settle with me one bit. The years passed by and I knew I would have to make it up to them one way or another. When I read that Abnay was pregnant on Instagram I knew that would be it. Due to the fact that Steven came really early and it was a last minute c-section I was not able to shoot his birth story as we had planned. But we would still find a way to come together. Three weeks later I spent a morning looking at him and reliving the days of having W & M at home for the first time. I was so nostalgic. He started grunting, just as most premies do, and my heart almost exploded. It had been such a long time since I remembered that sound. That sound that my husband would complain about every night while he was trying to sleep with two fresh newborns in the room. I watched Steven and his antsy movements, the kind that they quite haven’t gotten a rhythm of how to move their hands and feet yet. I melted with his tiny hands and his little bald head. Steven, I know everyone sees you as a tiny prince right now, but I know you’re about to surprise them all in a couple of months when you hit a little growth spurt and your cheeks are full and happy of all that goodness your momma has been feeding you. I’m with ya bud, surprise them all! Tiny but mighty you are.

Talking to Abnay about motherhood was so easy. I tend to let my mouth run too long when it comes to anything baby, but there she was, feeding little Steven and caressing his little head as we shared our NICU experiences.

“Five weeks early. That’s how early Steven came into this world. I was a little sad thinking he wouldn’t be ok. But thankfully he is a healthy baby. I think the fact that he was born so early and so tiny makes me love him even more. I still can’t believe its almost been a month since we’ve had him here with us. He is feeding every 3 hours (which is exhausting), but thats ok. We are trying to fatten him up! Even though I don’t get a full night sleep anymore and my days are spent in my pjs, changing diapers, nursing and napping every time he does.. I wouldn’t change this for nothing in the world.  All I want to do is kiss baby toes and snuggle all day. I’ve even gotten to the point that if he naps for too long or daddy is holding him for too long.. I start missing him. I’m thankful to have the blonde baby I’ve always wanted. I’m also lucky to have such a helpful husband. Caring for a newborn is exhausting, but he does it with so much determination and love. Maybe I don’t get as much done these days, but its these moments I hope to remember when he’s grown. My arms and heart feel full.”

Love her words so much. Meet Steven.

“Thank you, Abigail for taking your time and shooting this special moment in our lives. It was so nice to hear your stories about your experience with your own preemies. You are a girl of your word. Our couples shoot didn’t happen but I’m glad this one did. His newborn pictures are something I will forever treasure!”

Can’t wait to see him running circles around Abnay just like I was telling them the boys were doing that same morning. It will sadly be here before you know it.